Do you ever give yourself permission to be still?
To be with yourself without thinking you should be doing?
Jean Paul Sartre wrote, “If you are lonely when you’re alone, you are in bad company.” We mostly look down upon spending time alone which makes loving ourselves a revolutionary idea.
Have you felt that there’s not many people showing up in your life and some people have distanced themselves or you have distanced yourself from others?
When this happens, don’t panic, just go within, meditate on whats important in your life. Meditate on feeling, sensing and seeing new wonderful experiences opening up in your life. Spend time doing the inner work and have compassion for yourself. This may take a few weeks or months before you see the outer world catching up with your new inner world, but just keep going and taking the right opportunities when they show up.
If you want your outer world to change you need to do the inner work first.
Why are some people afraid to be with themselves, or on their own?
What do we get out of giving ourselves permission to just be with self?
- Solitude allows you to reboot your brain and unwind. Constantly being “on” doesn’t give your brain a chance to rest and replenish itself. Being by yourself with no distractions gives you the chance to clear your mind, focus, and think more clearly. It’s an opportunity to revitalise your mind and body at the same time.
- Solitude gives you an opportunity to discover yourself and find your own voice.
- Solitude provides time for you to think deeply. Day-to-day responsibilities and commitments can make your to-do list seem as if it has no end. This constant motion prevents you from engaging in deep thought, which inhibits creativity.
- Solitude can enhance the quality of your relationships with others. By spending time with yourself and gaining a better understanding of who you are and what you desire in life, you’re more likely to make better choices about who you want to be around. You also may come to appreciate your relationships more after you’ve spent some time alone.
- Your energy shifts, we are giving ourselves permission to allow new experiences in our life on a new level.
- People that are more in tune with who you are now, start showing up. New career opportunities, hobbies, friendships and relationships are drawn to us.
When you spend some time with your own thoughts, you may just find yourself, and when you do, there won’t be any bond happier.
This is drawn to us because when we do the inner healing we don’t need to go chasing stuff, it just turns up and thats when we take necessary action, if it is right for us.
Some people have opportunities turn up, but they don’t see them or act on them as they aren’t aware that they have shown up as their mind is still stuck in the old patterns and have not woken up. We are also given more than one opportunity, these opportunities are drawn to us and its up to us what ones we choose to go with.
When we just accept, ‘what is’ at this moment in our lives and be in gratitude for the good that is already in our life, more and better opportunities start arriving. Our vibration goes up a notch and the physiology of our body begins to heal and change on a whole new level.
In everyones life there is always change, everything on the planet is evolving, its born, it lives, it grows it dies and the cycle of life on this planet goes on. We have the opportunity, in this life time, to learn to detach and love what is or change it. In other words have compassion for ourselves and when we have compassion for ourselves, we have compassion for others.
When I look back on my life, I can see that I have lived many different lives in this one life time. If my life was made into books, there would be at least 5 books, each one different from the last. People who have known me for years may say, “Oh that’s just Gwen” “she hasn’t changed.” But I know I’ve changed. I may be talking about something that happened when I was younger, but I do not have the old emotions/triggers happening, so to me, it becomes just a story of my life, but would have once triggered me going into an emotional spin.
We can start a new book, a new way at experiencing life. We first need to learn how to let go of guilt, resentment and shame. It’s not about suppressing these feelings it’s about owning them and knowing whatever was going on, that was the level of understanding and knowledge at that time. So now with a new level of understanding you can see the bigger picture and heal. “I now choose to open the door to healing and let myself out of a “self imposed” prison where I’ve made myself hostage.” “I’m now aware and I’m not that anymore.”
When we have these realisations, there is a huge amount of growth because we no longer choose to be a victim, rescuer and/or persecutor. We are now consciousof choosing to change our circumstances, first in our mind/thoughts and then in how we relate to people in our everyday life.
Once we start to heal and know this, our life starts to take on a different meaning and we also stop attracting the same situations, sometimes dysfunctional relationships, jobs that we are not happy doing, etc, because we have learnt the lesson. We are now awake enough to create new experiences instead of been on the same old mouse wheel going round and around. Time to get off, don’t you think?
You know the old saying mirror, mirror. What we express is suppressed in the other and what is suppressed in ourself is expressed by other. When a person is upsetting us and they are showing traits, actions or inactions that we don’t like and and we re-act, (re-act means feeling emotional pain from past situation), but when we start acting in the present moment with the new understanding and knowledge we have healed from shame, guilt and resentment, our emotional behaviour is no longer triggered. When we are honest with ourselves this is what we get caught up in and it is unhealthy. Once we recognise this, we begin to detach and become the observer, that’s when we grow and evolve.
There is no instance pill for this transformation, it’s a process and once started we wouldn’t want to go back to what was. When we give ourself permission to be on our own, without distractions, we will certainly know who is in drama.. Our thoughts will let us know that.
I’ve attached the Karpman (Drama) Triangle.
Haven’t we all been here sometime in our life?
Some don’t even know they are living it everyday.
The diagram below shows how we can transform from the victim, persecutor and/or rescuer to be empowered as a creator of new and wonderful experiences, to see situations as challenging for personal growth and move into a new and creative space filled with compassion with self and others.